


I Still Believe in Saviors

by Malzysaur



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Apologies, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Making Up, Maria DeLuca & Alex Manes Friendship, Maria DeLuca Positive, Maria DeLuca is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28542807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malzysaur/pseuds/Malzysaur
Summary: Loving Michael Guerin is easy, letting him go is like cleaving off a part of yourself. Alex knows this almost better than anyone, and he needs to make sure Maria knows just how thankful he is for her sacrifice.
Relationships: Maria DeLuca & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 20
Kudos: 32





	I Still Believe in Saviors

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very random idea that hit me this weekend and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Not beta read because I have no patience. I also have a mighty love and need for more Alex and Maria friendship.

A small whirlwind of dust kicked up in the distance as Alex carefully navigated the rutted highway that led him towards town. He’d sent a text to Maria the night before asking her if she had free time for him before the Pony would need her attention. She’d been quicker than he was prepared for with her response. He recalls the butterflies of anxiety her response had let loose low in his gut. He hated that he had any sort of anxiety when it came to Maria, they had been friends…truthfully closer than friends since childhood. If everything went according to plan, there would be no weirdness between them anymore and everything that had happened before would simply be water under the bridge. Alex was determined to fix it and make sure Maria knew exactly how treasured she truly was and how thankful Alex was for her. 

He slowed to a stop at a light strung across the road. He drummed his fingers against the wheel as he watched, waiting for the light to flick over to green. He glanced into the backseat of his Jeep to make sure the basket he packed earlier in the morning was still secure on the seat. There was a small cooler on the floor below it keeping lemonade cold. He was pretty proud of himself; he’d followed the old recipe his grandmother had passed down to his own mother. It was in a small wooden box he’d found in the shed years ago after she had left. Someday he’d work on that relationship, but right now he had much more important people to tend to before he ventured down that bramble filled path. 

All too soon Alex pulled into the drive way of Maria’s modest home. He smoothly shifted into park as he undid his seat-belt. Just as he looked up to slide out of the vehicle, Maria was already walking towards him. There was a guarded sort of look in her eyes as she approached. She tried, Alex noted, to mask it with a bright smile, but Alex could still read her like a book. He hated to see it and he hated that he was partially to blame for it being there. He hoped that in an hour or so he could completely wash it away. 

As the passenger side door opened, he re-clipped his seat-belt and turned to watch Maria pull herself into the seat. She arched a perfectly groomed brow at him as she belted herself in, “Are you going to tell me what this all about?” she asked him, a forced lightness to her tone as she folded her hands into her lap. 

Alex could tell she was trying her hardest not to fidget. He grinned warmly as he started to reverse, “It’s a surprise, plus it’s been a long time since just the two of use spent some time together and I just want to focus on one of my best friends instead of the drama of real life,” he responded, shooting for light-hearted in hopes of putting her at ease. 

Maria huffed a soft laugh as her gaze shifted out her window to watch the scenery, “Not that I don’t agree with that, this is just kind of out of he blue considering everything that happened in the last year,” she uttered, her eyes never leaving the window. 

Alex sighed softly. He shifted a little so that he could grip the steering wheel with one hand. He leaned over some to place a hand over Maria’s in her lap, “Well, I’m hoping that we can put the past to rest and move forward after I can say all the things I need to,” he reveals softly as he slows again at another stoplight. 

Outside the jeep a handful of people litter the sidewalks of Roswell, their movements slow and unhurried as they finish up their weekend chores or just pass the time. Once the light changes to green Alex hits the gas before Maria speaks again, this time a nervous laugh leads her words and he feels her fingers start to twist under his hand. 

“Okay, well if you were hoping to comfort me…that wasn’t exactly the best way to do it,” she teases, though Alex can tell she’s being honest. 

He squeezes her hands, “I’m sorry, that came out weird and cryptic. I don’t want to get into it now, I have a whole speech prepared and I even made…well sort of made lunch to make up for when my words most likely fail me,” he adds, his shoulders shifting a little as he forces himself to relax and lift some weight from the air around them. 

Maria hums in consideration and turns in her seat to look in the backseat. A genuine grin spread over her lips as she notes the wicker basket and the littler cooler. Her eyebrow arches again as she turns her gaze on Alex for the first time since getting into the vehicle. Alex glances over at her quickly, his cheeks turning pink under her scrutiny. 

“What?” he can’t help but burst out with and nervous laugh. 

Maria grins even wider and shakes her head, “Nothing, I just…high school Maria would be equal parts nervous and excited to have Alex Manes driving her out into the desert for a picnic lunch,” she teases again as she readjusts in her seat. This time she slots her fingers with Alex’s to simply hold his hand in her lap as she watched Roswell disappear, the desert open before them. 

Alex snorts as he accelerates on the highway, “Yeah, well, I don’t even think this picnic would win that many points, even with high school Maria. I promise it’s not that special, but I tried,” he adds, almost proud of what he did end up throwing together. Michael had been supportive as Alex moved through the kitchen in his house and tossed random items onto his counter. He’d also refused to let Michael help him and had banished him when it was clear the cowboy could do nothing but tease and distract him. A slow smile appears as he remembers the soft kiss his boyfriend had given him before they parted ways for the day. 

“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it will be fine,” she assures with a gentle squeeze to his hand as she settles back into the seat. She watches the dust and sand pass them by before she perks up when Alex starts to slow to turn down an almost imperceptible road that leads out into the middle of nowhere. She straightens even further in her seat when she starts to recognize the road they’re driving down. She holds his hand even tighter as he eases his Jeep through ruts and washed-out bits of the road. 

“Oh my God, Alex, I don’t think I’ve been back here _since_ high school,” she utters as she turns to watch rock formations and cacti pass through the window before the desert opens again to reveal small fissures in the dry, cracked earth. They’re nothing spectacular or deep, but they had served as good cover for them when they were kids experimenting with their rebellion. 

Alex grins as he stops near the only cluster of trees among a small crop of rocks and boulders. He hadn’t been back much himself since high school, but he thought it would be a great place to bring Maria so that they could talk. He eases the Jeep into park before he turns to smile at her, “Yeah, I came out here a few days ago just to make sure it was still passable and was glad to see it didn’t seem like a lot of traffic had been in the area,” he shared as he pulled his keys from the ignition. He inhaled a deep breath before he glanced over at her, his nerves starting to kick up again, “go on and find a good spot for us while I grab everything from the back,” he suggested. He needed the extra time to really steel himself for what was to come. 

Maria nodded easily as she slipped out of her seat. The early spring weather was perfect as Alex stepped out into the midday sun himself. He opened up the back door to gather the basket, cooler, and blanket for them. He debated for a moment on his crutch, but figured it would be best to have it in case over not having it and needing it. Sometimes it’s still difficult to get up and down from the ground with his prosthetic. He loads up his arms before he steps back and pushes the door closed. He rounds the vehicle to see where Maria has scouted out a spot for them. He finds her standing under the shade of a tree with a boulder half in and half free of the shadow. He grins as he simply takes her in. She’s still every bit the desert princess she was even back in high school. Her loose-fitting skirt and top billow softly in the breeze. She truly is a wonder to behold and if he were in an alternate reality, he could see them together. But as it is, he has apologies to make and bridges to repair. 

Maria turns towards him, feeling his eyes between her shoulders. She casts him a wobbly smile, “How’s this spot? I think Rosa and I got high here once while listening to Iris and staring up at the stars fighting over who could find the Big Dipper first,” she shares, nerves knocking her words together as Alex approaches. 

He bends to set everything down before he shakes out the blanket to spread over the sun-warmed sands, “This is perfect,” he assures as he settled the basket and cooler in the center of the blanket. He moves towards the boulder and uses its support to ease himself down to the ground. He curls his left leg under his right and flips open the basket. He’d wrapped their plates before putting them in so that serving would be quicker. He hands one to Maria, a sandwich with fruits and veggies adorns the pale blue plate. 

Maria takes the offered food and sets it next to her. Alex doesn’t look at her until he’s unwrapped the cellophane from his own plate. He can feel her gaze on him like a torch, but he continues to ignore it as he rummages in the cooler to pull out a mason jar of lemonade. He leaves the cooler open for Maria so she can grab her own when she needs it. He feels the cold condensation against his palm and focuses on the cold burn before he inhales a deep breath. He finally lifts his chin to look across the space towards Maria. He can easily read the worry in her gaze and sees her sitting stiffly, preparing for the worst. His heart twists inside of his chest and he hates they they’re even here, on this precipice when they’d sworn so long ago that nothing would ever rock the foundations of their friendship. 

Finally, Alex sets his lemonade to the side next to his food, his appetite gone for the moment. He settles his hands in his lap as he lines up all of his carefully prepared words, “I’m just going to say everything I want to say before I lose my nerve and everything escapes me. I’m not the best with my words in the best of times, and right now I want to make sure everything I have to say comes out clear,” he starts with, his lips moving into a soft smile as he tries to reassure Maria whose movements have slowed and stopped as she watches him. She nods, nearly imperceptibly, for him to continue. 

Alex clears his throat again, “We’ve ignored the Guerin size chasm between us for the last few months and I want to address it. Mainly, I want to say think you,” he stops there to let Maria soak in what he said, to truly absorb the sincerity behind his words. He watches her brows furrow in confusion and her lips begin to part to say something. Alex holds up a hand to still her. 

“You came to me nearly a year ago to talk about your relationship with him and I told you how easy it is to love him. That’s no less true today as it was then. I know that if you hadn’t been the one to break up with him you guys would still be together, and rightfully so. I owe all of my happiness to you Maria. You gave him up. I’m not too naïve to think you did it just for me, but I also know what you sacrificed when you did end it. I never had any right to be jealous or upset over you two being together, losing Michael and watching him find happiness with you was my own fault. I let my insecurities and my fears get in my way and they hurt him…hurt us both. I was ready to support you two together and be happy for you guys, and I feel so awful for the hope I felt when I learned that you two had ended things. I hated that that was the first thing to come to mind when I found out what happened. 

That’s when I realized just how much of a child I’d been and how selfish I had been. I had expected him to be ready when I was ready, I never stopped to think about what he wanted and what he needed. I was more concerned with myself and wanting him to be ready to meet me where I was when I wasn’t even ready yet. I know that you loved him…and probably do still love him. It’s not easy to walk away from Michael, to give him up when he just fills all the corners of your soul and make you feel cherished. You two faced some backlash from Greg and others when they had found out about you two being together and I am so sorry for that too. I just…I need you to know how much you mean to me and how much I know it hurt to let him go. I don’t…we only have our second chance because you were so selfless. 

Some days I hate that you did it, gave up your own happiness and your love for us, but I know that you’re so much stronger than I am. I don’t deserve either of you but I swear I am going to work like hell to make sure you both know just how much I love you and how much to mean to me. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize just who my true family was when they had been at my side this entire time. I owe everything to you and to Michael. I want to be the best version of myself and I want to make you proud,” he says, his voice wavering at the end as tears leak free of his eyes. He wipes at him as he watches Maria for a reaction. 

The woman before him is silent as the studies him. Tears stream down her own cheeks as she lets Alex’s words sink into her heart. She gets up from where she had been sat and crosses the small expanse to gracefully drop down to her knees right in front of Alex. She cups his cheeks with her hands and slowly leans forward to press their foreheads together. 

“Alex,” she utters wetly before she leans back and replaces her forehead with her lips, a soft kiss whispered against Alex’s temple. She leans back, her hands still reverently cradling his face as she meets his gaze, “Michael was never truly mine; I think I knew that from the start, but he did make me happy and I know I made him happy. Loving him was one of the easiest things I had ever done and I do still love him, but it’s different now, maybe it always was different and I just didn’t see it before. What’s important to me, what I can’t live without, is you. You’ve been in my life for so long and you mean so much to me. I just took care of Michael when you couldn’t, of course I’m still…mostly human and there were times when I was selfish too and I rubbed it in your face, but when the time came, I knew what I had to do no matter how much it hurt in the moment. What makes me happy, Alex, what makes me know that what Michael and I had was worth it, is seeing you two together today and how just grossly in love and happy you both are with each other. I would give up a million Michael Guerins to see that light in your eyes and to hear your music again. I love you both so much,” she breathes as he falls into his chest, her arms moving around his chest to squeeze him tight. 

Alex’s inhales a deep breath as he gathers her close, holding her tightly, his nose buried in her hair, his eyes squeezed shut as he just breathes her in. His chest eases as the missing piece of his heart finally slots back into place. He nuzzles closer and kisses the top of her head, “I don’t deserve you Maria, you are a goddess through and through,” he whispers as she finally eases back. Both of their smiles wobble as they wipe tears from their faces. They both dissolve into a fit of giggles soon after, but once the world tilts back onto its axis, Maria is huddled against Alex’s side, relishing in his solid form and warmth 

“Is it too soon yet to complain about some of the quirks Guerin has, like leaving his socks _everywhere,_ ” she teases as she sips at the sweet, sour lemonade. 

Alex can’t help his laugh. He rocks with the sudden booming sound that had burst free of his lips, “Oh my god! He did that with you too?” he asks, his heart full as he picks at the leftover fruit on both of their plates. 

“Mmm, but he made up for it with his stupid omelets and beefy enchiladas…among other things,” she grins, a certain lilt to her tone makes Alex blush as he drinks down the last dredges of his lemonade. 

“Yeah, but…god he’s just so hot,” Alex sighs, his shoulder slumping as he leans against Maria, both of them holding each other up. 

Maria hums in appreciation, “It’s almost unfair how gorgeous he truly is once you get past the oil and dirt,” she agrees as she pops a baby carrot into her mouth, her tone retrospective as she stares out towards the horizon where the sun is sinking lower and lower as the day draws on. 

Alex smiles gently, “Yeah, but we love him anyways and we’ll make sure to let him know every single day how much we love him and need him,” he promises the universe as he finds the moon a sliver in the blue sky. 

Maria hums in confirmation, “I’ll make sure you know too, just how loved and needed you are too Alex,” she adds, turning her head to glance up at him, a soft, heart-warming smile on her lips. 

Alex grins back as he reaches to tuck her wayward hair behind her ear, “I promise to do the same for you too Maria, you’re one of the best parts of this town and you shine so much brighter than most stars in the sky.”

Maria’s gaze softens. She knows they don’t have long left in their little bubble. She’s already pushing it with opening up The Pony for the night. She curls against Alex and just lives in the moment, thinking about all of the twists and turns her life had taken to bring her to this point. The bond between Alex and her is stronger than ever and she’s glad that he had found his way back to her. She knows that their lives will be nowhere near normal, but what they will have is all the love and support in the world. A family that will always be there no matter what, to fight away the demons when needed and to lift each other up when the world pushes them down. They may not have the perfect family, but what they do have is each other, and that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments really make my day!


End file.
